Saturday, January 21, 2012

Here We Go (First Blog)

"God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
"There is a reason why God made you their mom."

These are two quotes I just read on a great blog I just came across. I decided after reading thru her blog that I need an outlet. Since we arent speaking much with others about anything going on; I need a place to put it all until we do.

Last week I decided to take Chandler to the Dr. Main reason for the appt. was because of some recent anxiety and behavior issues that have gone on for some time but recently started becoming much worse.

After speaking with the Dr. she told me exactly what I suspected but thought I could be over reacting. The Dr. told me she cant diagnose but would refer me to a developmental specialist who she was pretty sure would diagnose him with Aspergers Disorder. Aspergers is what I was leading to believe he may have as well, after researching things online.

Hearing that come from a Dr. wasnt a surprise but sad none the less, no one likes there child to have to carry a "title" but at the point in Chandlers life a diagnosis is almost what he needs to get the help he needs.

I think the signs really hit that it was more then "being 5" when the tantrums became more extreme and public. While in a resturant something set him off and he screamed and laid face down in them middle of the resturant, it broke my heart and utterly shocked me to see him do that. It was at that moment that I knew there was some thing more there, some thing I cant reach or may be even understand right now.

Chandler is a very bright boy with the biggest heart you will ever see.He excels in school and is never a problem. He is also my worry wart and deals with a huge deal of anxiety. Chandler has always had issues with anxiety since about age 3 and it wasnt till now that the pieces are coming together. Anxiety that can be as small as not wanting to go off and play with friends,to not wanting to go to school. There is also a great deal of seperation anxiety specifically with me; something again I never really undestood but am learning and understanding more.

Chandler was bullied in the bathroom at school and since will not use the bathroom at school, in fact will hardly step foot in the bathroom. It truly breaks my heart and may seem so basic but with a child like Chandler he forgets NOTHING and is impacted by EVERYTHING good and bad.

I find my self worrying about him daily while in school worrying if I am going to get another call of an accident cause he was too scared to go use the bathroom. Its small things like this that daily break my heart that my son the sweetest boy I know is held prisoner by these things.

I want nothing more then for him to be happy and worry free and to be able to be a KID. I am nervous,hopeful and anxious to hear the outcome of the specialist.
But have hope that it will be the start of a path to helping him become happy and more free in every day life.

I feel hopeful that he will get help at age 5 and that we can start building tools to give him a happy furture.

This isnt something I feel any reason to post all over facebook. But for those I have invited to share this with I know and trust you understand and respect the REALNESS of this blog. This is not meant to be a "prettied up" blog this will be honest and real, I am not sharing his behaviors by any mean to mock him but in ways to be able to document growth and change.

I have chosen to share this blog with you because I know you love Chandler and my family.

I dont know what lies ahead and Im not sure how I feel and am really scared I cant handle it; but I would give the world for that little boy, so here we go!!

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